I just wanted to know if anyone out there has felt the same way I have in my recovery. I have been 10 years clean and I was living with an active addict all that time. I felt I was trying so hard to give it away to keep it away and he was not taking any of my advice, so I just let him use. Waiting for the jail sentences and rehabs I was addicted to the running and chasing in my life and I wasn’t physically doing that, but watching it happen right in front of me. I was addicted to the sense of the court system and what was going to happen next always living for the shoe to drop. I seemed to love going to the jail visits and rehab visits because I knew when he was in there I had some relief in my life. I could just go to work and know he was locked up and would just talk about it and thought it was cool to have boyfriend in jail a real hoodlum. It was a BIG conversation piece.
Addiction is addiction it doesn’t matter what it is. I finally realize it wasn’t all about alcohol and drugs, I was addicted to him. I was addicted to my life that was in shambles. So I got my head around my life and finally used the court system to my advantage I evicted him from my house and put him on the streets, the hardest thing I had to do to anyone, especially a fellow addict, but he was an active addict and I realized he can only help himself. Of course it was all my fault in his eyes and I was brainwashing his daughter against him because he didn’t realize he had already pushed her away by how he was, but it was MY FAULT !!! Never the addicts FAULT we know that at least I did because I was where he was so that is another reason it took me so long to do this. I know what it is like out on the street. I deserve better and I finally realized that it took 10 yrs but I GOT IT !!!!
He still tries to make me feel guilty any chance he gets, because now he has all the answers on how to raise our daughter that he hasn’t been there for the last 10yrs. I don’t take her to church like I should and my morals suck because I have gone on and he doesn’t like that I am seeing someone that I deserve to see after treating myself to a life with an active addict. I realize that it isn’t his fault that I stayed with him but I finally loved myself enough to move on. So if anyone can relate to this story I send you my STRENGTH to move on it is always tough to change but if it is better for you and your children PLEASE take my advice and stay STRONG. You will make it, you deserve better so go out there and GET IT. You will find it I PROMISE I did and I know you will too. Have A GREAT Life you can live with addictions and learn to control them I am living proof of that. Love Life You Only Live Once Make The Best Of It !!! You Are A GREAT Person and you deserve everything life has in store for you stay positive, grateful and humble and you will be surprised at what happens.